My Inner Circle

I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching and focusing on what is important to me. I also noticed that my relationships with my friends has changed. Of course I have different groups of friends. I noticed either some of us had grown apart or maybe we don’t share the same level of interests or hobbies anymore. I am also surprised some of my closest relationships that I had since my childhood also faded away. I know some of you guys may think I have a lot of friends in my life, but to be frank I don’t. I have to admit it hurts sometimes….. I tend to be get emotional when I loose a friend.

It is hard for me to maintain my female friendships, especially in my 20s. This is the time of my life where I want to share my experiences, my success, my journeys with my friends. Trust is also very important to me and I find it challenging for me to trust anyone around me. Sometimes I feel lonely. I like to be invited to social gatherings and special occasions even if I don’t show up or I couldn’t attend at least someone was thinking about me. I hate being left out from a social gathering or from a group. And It’s not a great feeling either.

I don’t know if any of you ladies can relate to me, but let me ask you all this. How important does friendships means to you? Let me be specific, how important is your female friendships? Ask yourself these questions….Who do you think are your true friends? Are your so-call “friends ” reliable? Do you have a friend that you can trust to keep your darkest secrets? Who do consider is your best friend? When was the last time you asked yourself, why did some of my friendships fizzled or dissolved away?

It is frustrating to me. Sometimes I never had a clear explanation why things ended a certain way. I do understand we all are busy with our separate lives. Majority of us have full-time jobs and have other responsibilities to prioritize. Some of us have boyfriends and girlfriends that we want to focus on, but it also important to focus on your friends to make sure we continue to stay connected whenever we need each other or want to see each other.

I tend to ask myself, did I do something wrong? or Did I say something wrong to make them not want talk to me? I have to put on a fake face pretend everything is okay, which I really hate! The last thing I don’t like being called is being two face. I’m not trying to point any fingers or targeting anyone. I understand certain friendships aren’t meant to last forever. I learned over the last few years, a few of my friends changed. They finally showed me their true colors of themselves. Some of those changes I didn’t like or understand which results our friendships to fade away. I’ve already tried to do my part to mend my relationships and even tried to stay connected. I’m getting frustrated of being the only person reaching out. Come on! It’s not a one way street here! I’m over everything honestly…

In a week I will be turning 26 and I decided to turn a new leaf in my life. I decided to let go all of the negativity I’ve experienced with with myself in the last year. I’m going to cherish and appreciate all of the friendships I’ve developed whether my friends are from work, from school or etc… and also I will pay attention to the people who are in here for me and want to be around me. I believe there is a reason for every person who walked into my life and each person carried a learning lesson. What I need right now is to surround myself with positive and encouraging people that will push me to reach my goals and dreams. I’m not forcing anyone to be my friend, if anyone feel they are being forced to be my friend then you all can leave because I don’t have room for any negativity nor dramas in my life! The last thing I want to do is set expectations on friends, and if they don’t meet those expectations then I will get disappointed. I don’t need anymore stress in my life to worry about. I’m done. Whatever is done! I don’t anyone to waste my time or energy!!!